How To Soften A Hard Heart

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."

Psalm 51:17

The last few weeks I had a secret prayer that I didn't utter a word to anyone about. It was said in the back of my mind and kept there so as to not seem a fool yet God knew of it. He knew of it and has graciously granted me to comprehend a thin layer of how He is sovereign over all. My personally embarrassing question was: "how does one soften a hard heart?" We tend to get caught up in the daily routine of living in the world not fully focused on Christ and the gospel.. So as I feared that my heart would harden I silently prayed this prayer within me..

We are clay. We are dust. We are made of dust only to return to dust. (Ecclesiastes 3:20) My physical body is indeed dust that will return to dust, yet I also do believe my soul is also made of clay. For there is a maker and the maker does say to soften one's heart towards Him. (Hebrews 3:15) Clay can turn soft or hard. But the profound question that got my mind to think was "What do you have to do to clay to get it to harden?" and the answer was.. "nothing." You do absolutely nothing for the clay to harden. Clay in it's natural state desires nothing more than to be hardened. Then my thoughts began to rise upon how one may soften hardening clay? The answer again is "nothing." God owns all that He created. He owns me and my heart. He owns the waters to revive my dulled state of a hard heart. We do not have the living water that is there to revive us from our hardening. We are to ask for it. We are to desire and thirst for it. The Word is of God and He is God. He is the living water. Conclusively going to the Bible, reading the word, it will bring forth living waters for He is living water itself. Sure, pouring a cup or two of water on a hardening piece of clay may not seem like it's doing much in the beginning but I have hope that the more you pour unto it- the more you continue to go back and forth from the well towards the fire of hardened souls it will soften the surface and at some point be able to be malleable yet again ONLY by God's abundant grace.

If one is too hard to do so, we ought to be broken. We are to die to ourselves and let the Almighty Creator mend us and mold us. Does He not give us another day to breathe the life granted to us? Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open (Matthew 7:7) Yet, when we ask we must ask in faith with no doubting. (James 1:6) and where does that faith come from? Why it comes from the Word of God Himself of course. He is rich in mercy and gives wisdom to all who ask without reproach! May we go after the One who created us to yearn for Him. May we go after the One who granted us a never-ending vortex of a hole in our soul which can only be filled up by one who is indeed never-ending love.. We are not content with our lives for a reason. We are always seeking the next high, the next big thing when nothing is as high or lofty as the Lord God Himself.. May we have peace with His true word. His always faithful and true word that is granted to us. Let us not dwell in what we cannot control but dwell in the One who is in control of everything...

Genesis Nineteen - Groping For The Door

Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, and said, “I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.” But they said, “Stand back!” And they said, “This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them.” Then they pressed hard against the man Lot, and drew near to break the door down. But the men reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them and shut the door. And they struck with blindness the men who were at the entrance of the house, both small and great, so that they wore themselves out groping for the door.

Genesis 19:6-11

Lot's response to the men of Sodom had me off guard when I first read of the account a few years back. I was startled to see that a "man of God" would compromise to let his daughters be defiled rather than to completely reject the men that were against him and full of lustful desires towards the visiting men. My eyes at the time had not yet  been fully opened to why the Lord would allow that- since I presumed that every person in the Bible was to be a godly man/woman who did what the Lord desired. Of course it wasn't until recently I understand how wicked people are- including godly men! We are all sinners and being so, the conclusive argument would be that no one is perfect. Yet Lot did everything in his sinful mind to keep from sin (and still he failed.) Time and time again the accounts I hear in the Word shows how sinful humans are and how merciful God is all the way to the end until the sinner no longer care to heed His warnings.

However what was all the more startling was the recent study of the text by a theologian when he said he noticed that at the end of the ordeal the men were struck with blindness. All of them! (You would think that God may easily have killed them right then and there for perverse thoughts yet He struck them with blindness.) And even with such a merciful act from the Lord, they were still groping for the door! You would think after ALL of them being struck with blindness they would realize who they are dealing with and immediately begin to repent of their wrong-doings. Yet, it was not so.. They groped for the door. They were still in the midst of wanting to fulfill their lustful desires even in the midst of that incredulous moment of God's hand on their eyes. I wonder as of late, whether or not that still is applicable today. We are struck with certain situations and issues on behalf of God's mercy so that we may repent.. All the good as well as the bad is clearly a sign from the Lord's loving kindness is it not..?

What is happening Lord..
I do not understand as I ought to.
Everything is crumbling down..
Lead me to truth and may I be at rest in You..


Edited 8/17/2016
The Lord God is sovereign over all things.
May my spirit rest in that knowledge..
The Lord God is good and patient.
May my soul rest in His promise..
The Lord God is merciful and mighty to save.
May my life be a testament to that truth..

Joy Beyond The Sorrow

“For a moment I withdrew, 

And thy heart was filled with pain, 

But my mercies I'll renew, 

Thou shalt soon rejoice again. 

Though I scorn to hide my face, 

Very soon my wrath shall cease. 

‘Tis but for a moment's space, 

Ending in eternal peace.” 

- Joy Beyond The Sorrow (click to listen)

The thought of dying to one's self(desires) is something I really didn't come to an understanding until God showed me of my wretchedness and how deadly and disgusting it is. It's as if a child holds unto a handful of fecal matter and claims it's cake. The Father lovingly shows how disgusting and vile it is for His child to hold unto fecal matter disciplines the child so they do not go after it again and even so continues to wash them whenever the child runs to Him. My heart burdened with my own sinfulness has been a roller coaster ride.. and I hate roller coasters. My desire to please God has never been greater in my life than it has over the past year. May God reveal to me His gracious mercy and love.. Though I am weary for it seems as if He has turned away from me.. I'd rather not dwell in that mindset but to hold unto the hope that Jesus Christ came to save sinners who I am a one of the most wretched ones. May I continue to ask.. seek and ultimately may He find me. I desire to turn from my wicked ways and draw closer to the Lord.. May the Lord purge me of all evil intents and renew my thirst and longing for Him and Him alone...