Thanksgiving In All Circumstances

"Then Job arose and tore his rove and shaved his head
and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said,
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

Job 1:20-21

I indeed desire that type of faith Job had from the beginning of this book. Yet when I heard recently that there is a process of sanctification we must go through in Christ I found it quite interesting whilst reading this book. Job indeed was a man who was blameless as it starts out in the first chapter but when we go all the way towards the end of the story Job is recognized as "self-righteous" and "ignorant" to the things of God. He had this part of his life that needed sanctification by God's desire. In that moment, my desire to be as Job had changed. Not so much in regards to how Job's immediate reaction was, but Job's attitude of humility near the end once he was shown that he was indeed mere creation. Oh.. How I desire to be so loved as Job was. I desire so much to be the apple of God's eye so that He is so willing to love me even through all the devastation that derived from the revealing of Job's inadequacy... Truly so truly blessed be the name of the Lord who controls all and desires all to repentance who gave His one and only beautiful son Jesus for such wretched sinners as I..

Working Towards the Overflow

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, 

nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; 

but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night. "

Psalm 1:1-2

The most frustrating thing at this point in my life is the fact that I cannot seem to shake off the worries of the world. Honestly it is slightly terrifying. Knowing that all will turn to dust at one point, and how no person, place or thing in life is a guarantee of any security, I'm at a loss for words when I think about just how foolish I am reacting as of late. How can my mind not seem to grasp the reality of this momentary life as I once had before. My oil of joy is going through a drought and my hope's well is barely keeping the bucket afloat. Grateful that I am sustained by the only one who can sustain a life I am clinging on, barely grasping for air. In fear of drowning in my spiritually depressive state forever to be lost..

Recently I heard that depression is a form of celebrating life- because this life is absolutely depressing if indeed the world's lies are true. How short a span a human life can be yet how infinite the possibilities of our minds can go. It is mind-blowing to think that this is all we can be, the mere thought of how this life is only but a glimpse compared to eternity. The mere fact we can comprehend such a word as eternity without having to draw it out should be a bit of a hint at how there is more to humanity than meets the eye.

This race called life indeed is difficult and I have been stalling far too long in the water-break section of it. Time to gear up my mind with the truth and focus on the work that's ahead of me..

Crush Or Be Crushed

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

Jeremiah 17:9

At times I wish I were a robot that can turn on and off it's emotions. The mere fact that I cannot control my own emotions, when I know it is unpleasant, is heartbreaking in and of itself. I do not desire it, yet my emotions are unstable in a lot of ways. My desire to trust in humans is still a battle at times, although God has graciously allowed me to see that it is folly to trust in men who do not know how their own day will pan out, so it has been a more easy battle. Yet the desire to be loved is still there. Why would it still be there? I know in my heart and in my soul that nothing else will satisfy, that nothing else will be of use if not in the love of Christ. This is such a frustrating moment in my life. I'm not lonely for I know I am never truly alone. Why has this desire been coming to life in me? Is my heart deceiving me yet again in this moment in time? Am I still listening and believing in the lies of the enemy who desires to take me away from the protection of Christ's loving arms? I pray it not be so. I pray it not be so...