Wait On The Lord

Genesis TwentyThree - Sarah's Death & Abraham's Sadness

He spoke to Ephron in the hearing of the people of the land, saying,
“If you will only please listen to me; I will give the price of the field, accept it from me
that I may bury my dead there.” Then Ephron answered Abraham, saying to him, 
“My lord, listen to me; a piece of land worth four hundred shekels of silver, what is that 
between me and you? So bury your dead.” Abraham listened to Ephron; and Abraham 
weighed out for Ephron the silver which he had named in the hearing of the sons of Heth,
four hundred shekels of silver, commercial standard.

Genesis 23:13-16

I cannot imagine how painful it would have been for Abraham and Isaac to have gone through the death of their beloved. Even with the hope of the Savior to come, pain is still painful and loss is still heartbreaking. I don't know Ephron's true intentions of speaking the price of the land- whether it be that he finally caved in mentioning it to Abraham because he was tired of addressing that it was okay not to pay, or because Ephron genuinely thought that 400 shekels of silver was considered as chump change.. but what I can see that Abraham wanted to honor Sarah as his wife up until the end. In his mourning, in his desire to bury her on foreign soil and to buy that piece of land saying yes, this burial site is mine, and those who are buried in it are mine and will be mine. It shows he genuinely loved Sarah as his own and he wanted to own up to that up until the very end. It gives me chills just thinking about how incredibly loving he must have been through all those years with her. Through his gratitude towards God's grace of granting him such a woman Abraham loved Sarah wholeheartedly. He loved her because Abraham was first loved by the Lord. The love that transcends through death and eternal life, that is the type of legacy Abraham showed for the Christ that was to come.. How I desire to be graced by such a glimpse of that type of grand affection from the Lord. I await for my Beloved, He fights my battles for me(Exodus 14:14) and He will return with arms full of lilies (Song of Solomon 6:2-3) and so I await for Him (Isaiah 40:3, Psalm 27:14)

Genesis TwentyTwo - The Lord Will Provide

Then they came to the place of which God had told him; and Abraham built the altar there 
and arranged the wood, and bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the 
wood. Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel 
of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” 
And he said, “Here I am.” He said, “Do not stretch out your hand against the lad, 
and do nothing to him; for now I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld 
your son, your only son, from Me.” Then Abraham raised his eyes and looked, and 
behold, behind him a ram caught in the thicket by his horns; and Abraham went and took 
the ram and offered him up for a burnt offering in the place of his son. Abraham called the 
name of that place The Lord Will Provide, as it is said to this day, 
“In the mount of the Lord it will be provided.”

Genesis 22:6-12

How gracious God is to such a wretch as I.. Lately I've begun to see a lot of the error in my ways of thinking in regards to God's grace and mercy. I am continually reminded that what I think I know is not all that there is and my view of God is extremely small in comparison to whom He truly was, is and ever will be. It's not something He needs to do but He graciously provides. My heart is shattered from the reprove of God's discipline upon my life and I'm grateful for it and desire even more of it. For I know He disciplines those He loves. I know not what the Lord has planned apart from bringing glory to His own name and for those whom He loves to enjoy Him now and forever.

I've been sick for the last week or so and it's been taking a toll upon my flesh. The only good I felt like that came out of it was the fact that I now sleep a lot earlier which means I wake up earlier, which in turn means I have more time in the mornings. I'm still on medication for my sickness but it's been a steady discipline that God has granted me regarding my lack of it these last few days. It got so bad to the point of my fever running up to 102 degrees and my hot tears coming down on my face asking God to please heal me, and even if He doesn't that I may still be gracious.. My parents being there for me in the mist of it all has been praying for me continuously and I recognize just how much of a blessing it is to have parents of faith. Even more so grateful that God grants me health even now. He doesn't owe anyone anything yet He gives so much.. none can repay none can grasp the goodness He is, and none can compare.. Even as God demands Abraham to sacrifice his son, in the end God says no it was just a test! but in turn He secretly declares that He will sacrifice His own Son...

Genesis TwentyOne - Gracious Promise Keeper

9 Now Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had
borne to Abraham, mocking. 10 Therefore she said to Abraham,
“Drive out this maid and her son, for the son of this maid shall not be an heir with
my son Isaac.” 11 The matter distressed Abraham greatly because of his son. 
12 But God said to Abraham, “Do not be distressed because of the lad and your maid; 
whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her, for through Isaac your descendants shall be named.

Genesis 21:15-19

God was gracious to Abraham. Sarah on just grounds demanded that the other woman and her son be driven out of the protection and care of the people of Abraham. Thinking of sending his child out distressed Abraham greatly yet God declared to not be distressed and to do whatever Sarah told him to do. Assuring that through Isaac his descendant shall be named. In faith, despite the stress, Abraham gave Hagar and Ishmael food and water and sent them on their way. When the comfort and care of man had fallen short Hagar left Ishmael in the bushes weeping, not desiring to see her child die. How gracious was God to even hear the lad's cry in those bushes and commanded Hagar to lift him up. He opened her eyes to water and gave them life keeping His promise with Abraham. I don't know if Abraham later on finds out that his son and maid was still alive but despite not being able to find out he trusts in the Lord's promise. Abraham trusts in the Lord. He trusts that the Lord knows best, and the Lord will do what is good and just in His eyes. That's enough for Abraham, and that faith is just.. immense. And it is God who gave Abraham such a faith.. how gracious He is.. Even the mere moments of our heartbreaks and pains are for the glory of God and for our good.

Genesis Twenty - Yet Still Mercy

"Now therefore, restore the man’s wife, for he is a prophet, and he will
pray for you and you will live. But if you do not restore her,
know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours."

Genesis 20:7

In God's sovereignty Abraham sojourned.. In light of reading the chapter of the almost-sin-of-adultery I was curious of Matthew Henry's commentary on it. What drew my attention was this; "He had been guilty of this same sin before, and had been reproved for it, and convinced of the folly of the suggestion which induced him to it; yet he returns to it. Note, It is possible that a good man may, not only fall into sin, but relapse into the same sin, through the surprise and strength of temptation and the infirmity of the flesh. Let backsliders repent then, but not despair" If one claims that they are sinless they are liars and the truth is not in them. (1 John 1:8) And although sad, it is also encouraging to a degree of seeing Abraham "relapsing" over the sin of compromising and falling into fear in the flesh. I am imperfect beyond measure. So much so that I cannot even see it in me at times which is also very worrisome for me. My heart and flesh may fail, yet God does not. He never did and He never will. (Psalm 73:26) 

How blinded we are of our own sins at times, not understanding that there is a constant breeze of the world that continues to blow the specks of pride into our own eyes. Not remembering that we are wretched and sinful if not more so, than the next person. Of course not to say we ought to say nothing when it comes to sins, but to truly examine our own hearts and actions reflecting upon ourselves to see whether that breeze indeed carried with it a speck of pride that is to be lodged into our own view. As of late I wonder what the Lord is doing among sinners such as I. He is working all things for good yet there are specks in my eyes and it is tearful with continual whining and frustration.. May the brokenness He allowed be made new in Him... I long for it for I am weary and desire rest...

How To Soften A Hard Heart

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."

Psalm 51:17

The last few weeks I had a secret prayer that I didn't utter a word to anyone about. It was said in the back of my mind and kept there so as to not seem a fool yet God knew of it. He knew of it and has graciously granted me to comprehend a thin layer of how He is sovereign over all. My personally embarrassing question was: "how does one soften a hard heart?" We tend to get caught up in the daily routine of living in the world not fully focused on Christ and the gospel.. So as I feared that my heart would harden I silently prayed this prayer within me..

We are clay. We are dust. We are made of dust only to return to dust. (Ecclesiastes 3:20) My physical body is indeed dust that will return to dust, yet I also do believe my soul is also made of clay. For there is a maker and the maker does say to soften one's heart towards Him. (Hebrews 3:15) Clay can turn soft or hard. But the profound question that got my mind to think was "What do you have to do to clay to get it to harden?" and the answer was.. "nothing." You do absolutely nothing for the clay to harden. Clay in it's natural state desires nothing more than to be hardened. Then my thoughts began to rise upon how one may soften hardening clay? The answer again is "nothing." God owns all that He created. He owns me and my heart. He owns the waters to revive my dulled state of a hard heart. We do not have the living water that is there to revive us from our hardening. We are to ask for it. We are to desire and thirst for it. The Word is of God and He is God. He is the living water. Conclusively going to the Bible, reading the word, it will bring forth living waters for He is living water itself. Sure, pouring a cup or two of water on a hardening piece of clay may not seem like it's doing much in the beginning but I have hope that the more you pour unto it- the more you continue to go back and forth from the well towards the fire of hardened souls it will soften the surface and at some point be able to be malleable yet again ONLY by God's abundant grace.

If one is too hard to do so, we ought to be broken. We are to die to ourselves and let the Almighty Creator mend us and mold us. Does He not give us another day to breathe the life granted to us? Ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open (Matthew 7:7) Yet, when we ask we must ask in faith with no doubting. (James 1:6) and where does that faith come from? Why it comes from the Word of God Himself of course. He is rich in mercy and gives wisdom to all who ask without reproach! May we go after the One who created us to yearn for Him. May we go after the One who granted us a never-ending vortex of a hole in our soul which can only be filled up by one who is indeed never-ending love.. We are not content with our lives for a reason. We are always seeking the next high, the next big thing when nothing is as high or lofty as the Lord God Himself.. May we have peace with His true word. His always faithful and true word that is granted to us. Let us not dwell in what we cannot control but dwell in the One who is in control of everything...

Genesis Nineteen - Groping For The Door

Lot went out to the men at the entrance, shut the door after him, and said, “I beg you, my brothers, do not act so wickedly. Behold, I have two daughters who have not known any man. Let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please. Only do nothing to these men, for they have come under the shelter of my roof.” But they said, “Stand back!” And they said, “This fellow came to sojourn, and he has become the judge! Now we will deal worse with you than with them.” Then they pressed hard against the man Lot, and drew near to break the door down. But the men reached out their hands and brought Lot into the house with them and shut the door. And they struck with blindness the men who were at the entrance of the house, both small and great, so that they wore themselves out groping for the door.

Genesis 19:6-11

Lot's response to the men of Sodom had me off guard when I first read of the account a few years back. I was startled to see that a "man of God" would compromise to let his daughters be defiled rather than to completely reject the men that were against him and full of lustful desires towards the visiting men. My eyes at the time had not yet  been fully opened to why the Lord would allow that- since I presumed that every person in the Bible was to be a godly man/woman who did what the Lord desired. Of course it wasn't until recently I understand how wicked people are- including godly men! We are all sinners and being so, the conclusive argument would be that no one is perfect. Yet Lot did everything in his sinful mind to keep from sin (and still he failed.) Time and time again the accounts I hear in the Word shows how sinful humans are and how merciful God is all the way to the end until the sinner no longer care to heed His warnings.

However what was all the more startling was the recent study of the text by a theologian when he said he noticed that at the end of the ordeal the men were struck with blindness. All of them! (You would think that God may easily have killed them right then and there for perverse thoughts yet He struck them with blindness.) And even with such a merciful act from the Lord, they were still groping for the door! You would think after ALL of them being struck with blindness they would realize who they are dealing with and immediately begin to repent of their wrong-doings. Yet, it was not so.. They groped for the door. They were still in the midst of wanting to fulfill their lustful desires even in the midst of that incredulous moment of God's hand on their eyes. I wonder as of late, whether or not that still is applicable today. We are struck with certain situations and issues on behalf of God's mercy so that we may repent.. All the good as well as the bad is clearly a sign from the Lord's loving kindness is it not..?

What is happening Lord..
I do not understand as I ought to.
Everything is crumbling down..
Lead me to truth and may I be at rest in You..


Edited 8/17/2016
The Lord God is sovereign over all things.
May my spirit rest in that knowledge..
The Lord God is good and patient.
May my soul rest in His promise..
The Lord God is merciful and mighty to save.
May my life be a testament to that truth..

Joy Beyond The Sorrow

“For a moment I withdrew, 

And thy heart was filled with pain, 

But my mercies I'll renew, 

Thou shalt soon rejoice again. 

Though I scorn to hide my face, 

Very soon my wrath shall cease. 

‘Tis but for a moment's space, 

Ending in eternal peace.” 

- Joy Beyond The Sorrow (click to listen)

The thought of dying to one's self(desires) is something I really didn't come to an understanding until God showed me of my wretchedness and how deadly and disgusting it is. It's as if a child holds unto a handful of fecal matter and claims it's cake. The Father lovingly shows how disgusting and vile it is for His child to hold unto fecal matter disciplines the child so they do not go after it again and even so continues to wash them whenever the child runs to Him. My heart burdened with my own sinfulness has been a roller coaster ride.. and I hate roller coasters. My desire to please God has never been greater in my life than it has over the past year. May God reveal to me His gracious mercy and love.. Though I am weary for it seems as if He has turned away from me.. I'd rather not dwell in that mindset but to hold unto the hope that Jesus Christ came to save sinners who I am a one of the most wretched ones. May I continue to ask.. seek and ultimately may He find me. I desire to turn from my wicked ways and draw closer to the Lord.. May the Lord purge me of all evil intents and renew my thirst and longing for Him and Him alone...

Genesis Eighteen - Merciful & Just

"So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?” The LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Shall I indeed bear a child, now that I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, about this time next year, and Sarah shall have a son.” But Sarah denied it, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was afraid. He said, “No, but you did laugh.”

Genesis 18:12-15

At times even in the midst of fear and wisdom we act foolishly. Knowing what to do, yet refusing to do so in form of fear (hopefully more so than rebellion). Is He not a merciful God who knows the hearts of men and even so graciously grants them grace, regardless of it being sins of iniquity or transgression? To whosoever repents and goes before the Lord and seeks forgiveness, will they not be forgiven? I ask myself lately the forms of true repentance. I had never really thought about it before. I didn't understand that repentance is the action that is granted once faith is given to a person. You repent in faith and seek forgiveness in faith and through that faith Christ's imputed righteousness is given to us. Not by our own merits are we even able to do so, the mere knowledge of knowing the wrong we have done is given by El Shaddai (God Almighty)..

However there are ways you can in fact repent in a "wrong" way. Who knew repentance was so complicated? Why is it all so difficult to grasp..? In Sarah's denial of laughing, I wonder how God saw her in that moment.. He must have had so much love for his daughter, so much grace.. She was afraid and lied to God Himself, yet He was gracious and kindly rebuked her for that when it could have easily been a reason for Him to take away or give away anything from her He was gracious. How He was so kind and loving to Abraham and Sarah.. How kind, gentle and gracious He is for those who He loves..

Wait Upon The Lord

"My soul, wait thou only upon God."

Psalm 62:6

Many a rock might be escaped, if we would let God take the helm; many a shoal or quicksand we might well avoid, if we would leave to his sovereign will to choose and to command. The old puritans said, "As sure as ever a Christian carves for himself he'll cut his own fingers;" and that is a great truth. Said another old divine, "He that goes before the cloud of God's providence goes on a fool's errand;" and so he does. 

We must mark God's providence leading us; and then let us go. But he that goes before providence will be very glad to run back again. Take your trouble, whatever it is, to the throne of the Most High and on your knees put up the prayer, "Lord, direct me." You will not go wrong. But do not do as some do. Many a person comes to me and says, "I want your advice, sir; as my minister, perhaps you could tell me what I ought to do." Sometimes it is about their getting married. Why, they have made up their minds before they ask me, they know that; and then they come to ask my advice. "Do you think that such and such a thing would be prudent, sir? Do you think I should change my position in life?" and so on. Now, first of all, I like to know, "Have you made your mind up?" In most cases they have—and I fear you serve God the same. 

We make up our mind what we are going to do, and often we go down on our knees, and say, "Lord, show me what I ought to do," and then we follow out our intention and say, "I asked God's direction." My dear friend, you did ask it, but you did not follow it, you followed your own. You like God's direction so long as it points you the way you wish to go, but if God's direction lead the contrary to what you considered your own interest, it might have been a very long while before you had carried it out. But if we in truth and verity do confide in God to guide us, we shall not go far wrong, I know.

August 2,1857 - Charles Spurgeon, Sermon No. 144

A Parent's Prayers

"We are very desirous, my son, that 

you should excel in everything that will make you truly 

happy and useful to your fellow men. In particular by 

no means neglect your duty to your Heavenly Father. 

Remember, what has been said with great truth, that 

he can never be faithful to others who is not so to his 

God and his conscience. I wish you constantly to keep 

in mind the first question and answer in that excellent 

form of sound words, the Assembly Catechism, 

"What is the chief end of Man? The answer you will 

readily recollect is "To Glorify God and enjoy Him forever." 

Let it be evident, my dear son, that this be your chief 

aim in all that you do, and may you be so happy as to 

enjoy Him forever is the sincere prayer of your 

affectionate parent..."

-S.F.B. Morse's Mother, Charlestown, June 28, 1805

Genesis Seventeen - Exchange

"I will bless her, and moreover, I will give you a son by her. I will bless her, and she shall become nations; kings of peoples shall come from her.” Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, “Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?” And Abraham said to God, “Oh that Ishmael might live before you!” God said, “No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him."

Genesis 17:16-19

The days are warmer and the mind heavier. My heart has lightened with it's burdens and I hope to God that it is His doing rather than my own selfishly prideful deceptions that are muddling the mind. A lot has been going on and I wonder why I am still, I trust the Lord has His ways of doing all things including my breaths that are breathed.. yet I am curious as to why I see it all unfolding and am perplexed why I lack further fear of it all. My mind races with sinful thoughts and doubts of God's love for wicked sinners such as myself and I know not how to put the breaks on them. I long for rest and seek His face weakly and feebly as it is a tiresome moment in my life.. Even so.. I'm so grateful for the revelations He has granted me and the peace He allows me to have even now. Grateful for those who remain and for those who have yet to return to Him.

Even with this chapter of seeing God declaring His love for Abraham and the grand promises He gives to him shows how much God truly does care for His children. Along with Abraham still being a finite human requesting the Lord to use just the bit that was allowed in his life shows how doubtful we all can be at times even with the visible grace God grants in our lives..

My own thoughts tend to go towards that thought process as well.. just like Abraham saying "what I see right now is enough" and God promises invisible things, a hope for the future and a hope for the eternity that is to come. Yet, it costs so much. It costs absolutely nothing yet everything to follow what He desires for us. The chapter ends with Abraham and the men of the whole of his clan to be circumcised and it's a brutal and painful process I'm sure, yet what is the pain of the present compared to the glory that is to come? That is the question we all have to ask ourselves continually isn't it. Is the exchange worth it, and do you have faith in that exchange?

Genesis Sixteen - Faith, Trust and Hope

Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai.

Genesis 16:1-2

There is a lot to be spoken of Sarai. She was a lovely lady who God loved and chose for His purpose in bringing forward redemption to mankind. However, prior to that occurring, it seems as if she was lacking patience, for she had heard from Abram that she was to receive a son-albeit not exactly a specific timeline but at some point in her future. Sure that may be the exact reason yet that however I believe is simply not the only case. She had patience, years of it in fact. Yet, her own carnal thoughts crept in and made her think of other ways to maneuver around God's design- "Perhaps it's by my servant Hagar that I am to receive a child?" Her trust in God's word was wavering. Thinking that perhaps she was too confident in His promise for a child and humbling herself in a self-degrading way- shouting to her own faith that it's not by her but through another. Her trust in God's word, her faith in His promise and the patience to endure the wait was all being questioned.

Even Abram though hearing directly from God Himself still chose to hear out Sarai for she spoke of reasonable ideas. As if it was a justified reaction in their patience, taking a hold of God's promises on their own. They stopped focusing on God's timing and allowed their thoughts to go towards a semi-rebellious route that has caused and even is now causing such a devastating impact on the middle eastern society.. Not focusing on His goodness and acknowledging too much of my weakness.. Isn't how we all are at times... How foolish we may seem to the heavenly hosts to think that our actions would bring life abundantly.. may the Lord have mercy upon sinners such as Sarai, Abram, and myself...

Genesis Fifteen - Sola Fide

"Then he believed in the Lord;
and He reckoned it to him as righteousness."

Genesis 15:6

Recently I heard the phrase by R.C. Sproul "It is one thing to believe in God; it is quite another to believe God." How true that is! There is no doubt the God is alive and well, to believe in His existence is a grace that God gives to all His creation. But to believe God in His authority and word and power- that is something else entirely. Only by the Holy Spirit is it quite possible and it's counted to the believer as righteousness. Sola Fide - Faith Alone. It is by faith alone which is pleasing to the Lord. Abram not knowing where to go or what to expect obediently left his homeland and believed that the Lord was to bless him in baring children with his wife Sarai. He did nothing to earn that love from God but simply by having faith that the Lord will grant what He promised. And what a grand and amazing promise that was..

Contrasting to Abram's faith, my own has been so poor as of late.. So many things are falling on me and I know not what to do other than to go to scriptures for that is where all the answers lay. May the Lord grant me rest in His bosom. May the Lord grant me discernment in the situations that He grants. May the Lord humble His people and lift His name up for He is good..

Genesis Fourteen - Allies of Abram

"Now the Valley of Siddim was full of bitumen pits,
and as the kings of Sodom and Gomorrah fled, some fell into them, and the rest fled to the hill country. So the enemy took all the possessions of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their provisions, and went their way. They also took Lot, the son of Abram's brother, who was dwelling in Sodom, and his possessions, and went their way. Then one who had escaped came and told Abram the Hebrew, who was living by the oaks of Mamre the Amorite, brother of Eshcol and of Aner. These were allies of Abram."

Genesis 14:10-13

Chaos and brutality was all around when the War of Nine Kings was occurring. Bitumen pits (tar pits) were the foundations and it seems as if the Earth was recoiling with the people that were living on it. Lot, being caught in the middle of this mess, was taken and ones who had escaped told Abram. The men did not need to go to Abram, they could have just went on his way to live their life that was interrupted by these battles. Yet still, he went to Abram, knowing that there will be justice brought by the righteous for those who suffered. Being an ally of the one who is with the Lord will time and time again be proven not only in scriptures but in this current life as well.

Abram sought Lot after he was held captive and he didn't rely on anything but solely on the Lord's provision of his men- fought and won. Mind you he was around 80 years old at the time so it's intense to think of how much strength he had and the faith that went with that desire to free his nephew and the people that were with him. He knew that without the Lord there would have been no victory and so he gave a tenth of his wealth to the most high priest to give thanks to God, even when there was no law in place to make him do so, but he did it simply out of the abundance of his heart. God pursues Abram during difficult times and painful times.. How gracious is He to bestow his priceless love... may we always be in full gratitude and awe of the wonder and loftiness of the holiest One. No matter the circumstances..

Genesis Thirteen - Lift Up Your Eyes

"... Lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are..."

Genesis 13:14

Before there were any of Abram's own children there was Lot his nephew. As God blessed Abram's family both Abram and Lot were accumulating a lot of wealth. Abram told Lot to go away so that there may be no strife between either party, and so Lot seeing in his own eyes how lush it was towards the wicked land that was sinning against God he left. Abram no doubt was saddened by the departing of his beloved nephew and that's where God comes into the picture. He desires Abram to lift his head from where he is and to look beyond the current pain. The current departing of his beloved family member and to trust in the promise of God's blessing of creating the descendants of Abram to be as dust in population.

How loving was the Lord to comfort Abram to remind him of the promise, to remind him that this is not the end. How precious the godly man must be to the Creator's eyes. Not that Abram deserved any of it but that it was freely a gracious choice God had in that particular man's life. I don't desire offspring (at the moment), though children are indeed a blessing and it would be an absolute honor to be a mother. I don't desire things, though I do understand that through using all things to glorify the Lord is a blessing. There are so many of my failures in front of me that I dare not tread on certain things lightly as Lot had. I do however know that I desire to be loved as Abram was loved by the Lord. A righteous man who was focused on glorifying and thanking the Lord with all that he did..

A friend of mine has parted from this physical world. It was a tragedy that I did not foresee. How I desire now to have spoken with her to see if all was well. A woman who was gentle and joyful in all that she did and desired to do God's desires. My mind cannot yet grasp the reality of her departure. How short this life is. I fully recognize it yet my mind refuses to dwell there. My mind terrified of certain aspects of my life and death has dared not go beyond a certain point of self-reflection. How wicked am I.. How sinful I must be to be so blind to it.. May the Lord be gracious to me and forgive me of my selfishness.. May my friend be dwelling in the house of the Lord from her death into all of eternity. May you rest in the bosom of the Lord sweet Leah Silvain, and I hope to see you then face to face with all the joy and mercy God grants to His children..

Genesis Twelve - Go, That I Will Show You

"Now the LORD said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and him who dishonors you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

Genesis 12:1-3

How intense the faith of Abram was when he left everything he knew to be obedient. He was confident in the Lord's promise to bless him and that was enough for him. Oh, how such a grain of a mustard seed became a tree bearing fruits! The fruits of the mercy and grace of God towards His chosen disciples. How loving He is continually to even give the breath of life to those who continually blaspheme His name and reject those who are continuing to call them to repent.. Indeed the secret things of God is His own and the revealed things are to us. I imagine it's not even close to 0.1% of how immense He is..

It's so difficult to grasp the trust Abram had in the Lord. I mean, not only do I lack the trust that he so had been given but I lack trust and faith for a number of reasons especially from my childhood which I probably would never really go into depth with anyone for it is quite a burden to bear. Yet I know that God is indeed bigger than all.. None of these "psychological factors" are of any excuse when you know God is in control of all things for the good of His people and for His own glory..

My doubts shout over the logic that is bestowed on me in the Bible. Yet the same Bible shouts all the more over my already weakened faith of God's justice over the wicked. And I am as wicked as they come. Had He already passed judgement upon me? Or am I allowed to continue to seek for deliverance over my own depravity..? I pray the battle has not been lost already. I cannot bare to think of the hopelessness that would come if God were to abandon me in this moment of my short life..

Genesis Eleven - Order Into Void

 "Come, let us go down and there confuse their language,
so that they may not understand one another's speech.”
8 So the Lord dispersed them from there over the face of all the earth,
and they left off building the city. 9 Therefore its name was called Babel,
because there the Lord confused the language of all the earth.
And from there the Lord dispersed them over the face of all the earth."

Genesis 11:7-9

When God said "let there be light" the light could not help but break through the darkness. "Order" could not help itself from forming into the "void" that is nothing when God spoke it into existence. Which goes to say, in the beginning of creation when God blessed man to be fruitful and multiply it was more of a blessed command "fill the earth" that was to be followed. However, man yet again being corrupt in their way of thinking even after the flood they chose to disobey that command and altogether "settled" in a main area. Even in that sinful state of mind, God's decree- embedded within them to grow, went up instead of out and the abominable creation of the tower of Babel was forming.

God, able to immediately create multiple languages and break down the disobedience they were committing was loving and gracious enough not to destroy them (yet again.) It wasn't so that they don't reach the heavens in their quest to build upwards, it even states that God had to come down to see the tower! It was a merciful act from God so that His creation would not bring upon themselves further wrath from the Perfect God. What took humans countless manpower and days to create one tall tower God was able to not only destroy it but disperse said people into different nations. Which goes to say, to test the boundaries of science and nature apart from God's decree is a terrifying thing to comprehend...

Genesis Ten - Children Were Born

"To Shem also, the father of all the children of Eber, the elder brother of Japheth, children were born."

Genesis 10:21 

The many things in life can ultimately be explained by one thing -God is Sovereign. He controls all things whether we understand it's purpose or not. In the case of Genesis chapter ten, it shows that Shem is the father of all the children of Eber, and not only that but he is indicated as the elder brother of Japheth who we all know was the middle child. It is never indicated that Japheth was the middle child but from reasonable deductions; Shem was indicated as the elder of Japheth and Ham was the youngest son if you read in the previous chapter. Japheth and Ham were both the younger of Shem yet only Japheth was indicated. Why is that?

Ham was cursed by Noah, slandering his father's reputation. It also shows that prior to the ten commandments coming into view, the laws of God were already written in each of their hearts. "Honor your mother and father." I'm sure the remnant of the culture of the world was still within each of their hearts after the flood. How terrifying for those to be God's loved ones and still be drenched with the tar of the wretched world..

Indeed regardless to our ignorance we are guilty of breaking the law written within our hearts. For even a man who is on a murderous rampage pleads ignorance, the lives which were cut short, it is no less a crime. May the Lord open up our eyes and ears, make our hearts alive and come quickly for the saints who are unashamed of His great name..

Genesis Nine - Covenant

"When the bow is in the clouds, 

I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant 

between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” 

God said to Noah, “This is the sign of the covenant 

that I have established between me and all flesh that is on the earth.”

Genesis 9:16-17

There is a covenant from the Lord to Noah. He was pleased with Noah keeping the command of building an ark and preparing the safety of the chosen few with the living things that God ordained for safety. The rainbow signifying that the Lord had placed his weapon of offense to rest. The bow no longer pointing to the world in wrath but rested- that is, in terms of water related judgement. God though everyone else be unfaithful, He is faithful. He is faithful til the very end. The last judgement being with fire, He indeed keeps His word. We ought to be watchful and careful and contemplative in regards to the Lord's guidance in our lives. What would the Creator of our souls desire us to do in each circumstance? Seeking His desires over ours, we dare not step beyond the boundaries He has laid before us..

Genesis Eight - Pleasing Aroma

"Then Noah built an altar to the LORD and took some of 
every clean animal and some of every clean bird and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And when the LORD smelled the pleasing aroma, the LORD said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man's heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done. While the earth remains, seed time and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.”"

Genesis 8:20-22

The Lord, graciously gave this declaration after the flood subsided. It pleased Him despite Him knowing what other sinful acts that would occur even in the lineage of Noah. The intention of man's heart is evil from his youth- and is that not true; the children cry and whine of situations out of their own desires and their own controls. We are all born with selfish intent- the desire to be gods ourselves only to be shown we are worthless without the Creator who sustains the very breath we breathe.

What is to be a pleasing aroma to the Lord? Just from the view of someone from the 21st century looking in on history of God's redeeming power, I see Noah was a righteous man in His sight. What is a righteous man? Knowing good and evil and choosing to do good- what is good? What God decreed to do; you do, what God decreed not to do; you don't do. It is so simple yet in our sinful flesh we are incapable of doing what pleases God. I was listening to a few people speak on this issue of 'what can we do to be saved?' and the answer is a resounding, biblical and hopeless "nothing" because we are incapable of saving ourselves from the mire we dove into on our own volition. Only God can save, only He is mighty to save and everything we do is just burnt offerings to the One saying He desires mercy and not sacrifice.

May my heart beat for the Lord, may my heart break for what breaks His, and may all that I do be of desiring mercy and not to give burnt offerings.. May I be child-like to run to Him for truth and may He receive all the glory.

Genesis Seven - Sanctuary

"Then the Lord said to Noah, 

“Go into the ark, you and all your household, 

for I have seen that you are righteous before me 

in this generation."

Genesis 7:1

Noah and his family was granted sanctuary from the judgement that had befallen the world. It says in the new testament "For as were the days of Noah, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. For as in those days before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day when Noah entered the ark, and they were unaware until the flood came and swept them all away, so will be the coming of the Son of Man." (Matthew 24:37-39). There is a horrifying reality that there will be another flood-like judgement and only few will find this ark for the righteous. And for the few who find it, it isn't necessarily found by them but it is brought to them by God himself. Is it indeed open for all those who seek shelter from the pouring rain of destruction? In this wicked generation that I am a part of (for I am also a wretched sinner deserving of destruction) there are so many things going awry from public bathroom policies to presidential candidates becoming as selfish children.. My mind is so full of the thoughts of what is in front of me- yet I do know that there is far more that I do need to focus on. I am unsure of even where I stand at this point of whether or not I am indeed loved by God the Creator I cannot say for sure. I do however can say for certain that God is good and that He brings to fruition what He has promised when it comes to the judgement and salvation of men.

Genesis Six - The Wickedness of Man

5 The Lord saw that the wickedness of man 

was great in the earth, and that every intention 

of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. 

6 And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, 

and it grieved him to his heart. 

7 So the Lord said, “I will blot out man 

whom I have created from the face of the land, 

man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, 

for I am sorry that I have made them.”

8 But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.

Genesis 6:5-8

Our God is perfect. He is the definition of perfection. There is only one that is perfect and that is God. If logically there is only one who is perfect-complete then rest are imperfect in comparison. We fall short. Not only do we fall short to perfection but we cannot even begin to go into the realms of perfection. And to even our own disbelief- we so choose to be even more imperfect! Fallen away from even the desire to be perfect. Now He who is perfect is in Heaven, He then who is in Heaven is so holy and perfect, we as mere sinful creatures dare not step into even the shadow of His goodness lest we melt away like ice in a desert. What hope is there then for those who are hopeless? It grieves our Creator's heart when we continue to seek evil, when we continue to reject Him.. When we continue to reject the one He sent us; that is Jesus. May I not be blotted out but be made perfect in Christ, to be found in the Lord's eyes as favored..