Prayer

"Faith, however, is not intellectual understanding;
faith is a deliberate commitment to the person of Jesus Christ,
even when I can't see the way ahead."

Oswald Chambers

How precious it is to know that God our creator hears our thoughts, our cries and our heartbeats? Recently praying in certain instances and receiving immediate responses have been overwhelming for me. My thoughts go to "I don't deserve such grace from such a Holy One" or "God heard my cry? He heard me? Yet I am so filthy I don't deserve to be heard." I remind my soul that as a human being, God created us to be image-bearers of Him and the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy, and I am calmer.. Then again those thoughts come into mind.. "Am I indeed cherished by the Creator?" My flesh overwhelms me.. My heart is in a dish of broken pieces that is poking at the seems of this undeserved beating heart and it's only because I have been tossing it around thinking it to be worthless.. Yet, the conclusion is always that despite those truths I am heard.. He hears my cries, He hears my thoughts, my heartbeats.

At times I recognize my heart is hard to fully recognize and understand His glory, too hard to fully acknowledge and weep at the beauty that is bestowed in front of my eyes as creation whirls around in glorifying the Creator. Oh to be like Jesus, how sweet the thought. Oh, to be the apple of His eye, how glorious the immeasurable grace! May He ever be glorified in my life, this wretched sinful life that I have cultivated by my own greed and selfish desires. May I be truly pure as snow, washed by His precious blood to forever to be found in Him.. May those that come across my posts truly come to know how beautiful and holy the Lord is compared to everything and anything.

Over The Sun

On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; 

I sought him, but found him not. 

I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; 

I will seek him whom my soul loves. 

I sought him, but found him not. 

The watchmen found me as they went about in the city. 

"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?" 

Scarcely had I passed them when 

I found whom my soul loves. I held him, and would not let him go 

until I had brought him into my mother's house, 

and into the chamber of her who conceived me. 

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, 

by the gazelles or the does of the field, 

that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. 

Song of Solomon 3:1-5 

On my way to work today I saw the same sweet, old man selling beautiful flowers in Pigeon Ally. With the weather warming up I was overcome with the desire of having some flowers, remembering the days when I was brought flowers from my sweet friends and lovers thinking "I wish I still had someone giving me flowers" which was such a sudden thought I was/am ashamed of- so selfish and so arrogant.. Why on earth do I reminisce of my sinful past? Then I had the thought of the Lord who has authority over all and knowing that fact, I felt as if the whole world's flower fields were given to me by God Himself. I didn't need to chop any off the life-giving roots and they were all just growing and being lovely to the glory of God. Yet right between those thoughts, at the same time, I was given the thought of how pointless all of it is.

There's a song that I've been listening to by Shane and Shane called "Over The Sun" where it speaks of how Solomon says in Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under the sun. The song shows of how we are to look above and beyond our own understanding of this world to where God rests. Knowing just how insignificant I am I can only imagine how much more I am incapable of seeing beyond my own insignificance. I'm still trying to understand the concept and fullness of being a true faith-filled Christian. As if an ant is shown a globe and the workings of the solar system I too feel very overwhelmingly burdened with so much of what is unknown to me. It's all in front of me yet my ability is that of an ant that sees this solar system and is unable to grasp the vast understandings that come with seeing. I'm terrified and hopeful all at once. Yet I still want to know, I still want to see, fall deep within His love for me (if indeed I am to be so blessed to be loved by the Lord) I can only pray that God grows me in all His ways and guides me to His wide, loving arms.