Struggling

As of late my heart was so discouraged. My tears could not stop from flowing every night and my mind was in the deepest crevasse of agony. Every tiny lie, every lustful thought, every bitter moment towards someone was that much more painful and I feared that God had abandoned me in my wretched state. How holy is our Lord? How sinful am I? How awesome is He to even grant me such eyes to see and air to breathe? My prayers have been more of a cry to God to not give up on me. I pray He does not give up on me, I pray I will not test His patience and that He will guide me towards being sanctified. I pray He may keep me until the very end of eternity.

I've noticed I struggle so much. Yet I struggle because I no longer desire to be in a state of self-deception as I once was before. I struggle because prior to God showing me, I did not know. I did not know just how self-destructive I was and what the consequences may be of that. Oh, how I wish I was taught what I know now a little earlier in my life, how foolish was I, how short life is! Yet, I'm grateful He shows me now, grateful He guides me even now with the movements across a computer keyboard. May the Lord win in this battle, may He win and may the glory be to Him always and forevermore...