"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 17:9
At times I wish I were a robot that can turn on and off it's emotions. The mere fact that I cannot control my own emotions, when I know it is unpleasant, is heartbreaking in and of itself. I do not desire it, yet my emotions are unstable in a lot of ways. My desire to trust in humans is still a battle at times, although God has graciously allowed me to see that it is folly to trust in men who do not know how their own day will pan out, so it has been a more easy battle. Yet the desire to be loved is still there. Why would it still be there? I know in my heart and in my soul that nothing else will satisfy, that nothing else will be of use if not in the love of Christ. This is such a frustrating moment in my life. I'm not lonely for I know I am never truly alone. Why has this desire been coming to life in me? Is my heart deceiving me yet again in this moment in time? Am I still listening and believing in the lies of the enemy who desires to take me away from the protection of Christ's loving arms? I pray it not be so. I pray it not be so...
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