Exhaustion

"Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

James 4:10

Lately, the concept of salvation and Christianity as a whole has gotten a battle going on in my mind. It's as if something is at war with another and honestly it's exhausting. My mind is running continually, especially in regards to my past sins. All of them slowly coming up one by one as if there's a whole line of them taking turns to beat my soul to a pulp. And as of late, I really just needed a break, a time-out if you must call it. Which was of course a huge mistake since now it's more like I'm being defeated and I don't even know it. I don't know what to do anymore. Doing something or nothing has been exhausting either way. I desire to be won by Christ, through Christ, in all of this. May this on-going struggling come to a God glorifying victory in Him where I may lay on His bosom at peace. May my wretched soul be crushed so that from the dust of my past, Christ may reign in my future forevermore...